Austrian Man Amputates Penis With Axe After Taking Magic Mushrooms
When a Fungi-Induced Fantasy Goes Far Too Far
In a bizarre medical case that seems more like a twisted fairy tale than real life, a 37-year-old man from Austria recently underwent a series of unfortunate events after consuming four or five magic mushrooms.
You know, the kind that is supposed to make you feel euphoric and connected with nature, not send you on a self-mutilation spree.
According to a report from the Mega Journal of Surgery, this unnamed man found himself on the sharp end of an axe (literally) after ingesting the psilocybin-packed mushrooms.
Under their hallucinogenic influence, he decided the best course of action was to take a blunt axe to his own genitalia—chopping his penis into pieces like some grotesque cooking tutorial gone terribly wrong.
The Not-So-Magic Mushrooms
While psilocybin is known for its psychedelic effects—hallucinations, feelings of elation, and even aiding in treating depression—it’s safe to say this man experienced the darker side of the shroom spectrum.
Perhaps he thought he’d grow a new magical appendage or finally rid himself of his depression and excessive drinking by removing a body part.
Spoiler alert: He did not.
Once the deed was done, he managed to tie off the wound (somewhat unsuccessfully) with a 5mm cord, placed his penis pieces in a jar (contaminated with soil and dirty snow, because why not?), and stumbled out seeking help.
Found by a passerby, he was rushed to a hospital in critical condition.
Two Inches Shorter Now
The man’s self-inflicted injury left doctors facing quite the urologic challenge. After a grueling operation that involved piecing together what remained of his manhood, surgeons were able to reattach the glans and about two centimeters of the penile shaft.
Sadly, about five centimeters were too damaged and had to be discarded, leaving the patient with a significantly shorter willy.
A Case of “Penis Envy” Gone Horribly Wrong?
One has to wonder if the mushrooms this unfortunate soul ingested were of the notorious “Penis Envy” variety.
Yes, that’s actually a strain of magic mushrooms, known for being extra potent.
Ironically, it’s named for its rather, um, suggestive appearance.
Maybe this particular strain led to the most extreme case of penis envy we’ve ever heard of—though it seems the only thing he envied afterward was having a fully intact one. If only those mushrooms had kept their magical powers confined to his mind instead of pushing him into a penile catastrophe.
Post-Penicidal Blues: Sadder, Sober, and Still Here
The aftermath of this penile pandemonium has many of us scratching our heads. Did this drastic act cure his depression or drinking habits?
We’re betting not. Losing that much of his manhood probably didn’t do much for his mood, not to mention the embarrassment he’ll have to deal with forever.
Doctors note that while the surgery was technically successful—he can urinate and even achieve erections—his emotional and mental scars may take far longer to heal.
Given that he was suffering from psilocybin-induced psychosis at the time, psychiatric care has been a crucial part of his recovery.
He spent several weeks in the hospital and has been transferred to psychiatric care for continued monitoring.
It’s safe to say his future Tinder dates will have an interesting icebreaker story, should he decide to venture back into the dating pool.
As for his drinking and depression, cutting off his penis certainly didn’t cut off those issues.
If anything, they might be worse now. You might say this man’s unfortunate incident serves as a cautionary tale: no matter how magic they seem, mushrooms and sharp objects should never mix.
The Takeaway—Mushrooms Aren’t That Magical After All
Let this be a lesson to all—no matter how down you may feel, downing some magic mushrooms and going on a chopping spree is not the answer.
And for those curious about whether losing your willy will cure your vices, the prognosis is clear: probably not.
